Splish Splash

Filed under Benefits of Corporate Life are the Team Building and Employee Appreciation programs. Today we get our annual Quarterly. Okay, we do get quarterly Quarterlies, but usually it's either bowling or somehow forgotten about. Today's the real one. For today we employees paid $15 per guest (employees themselves are free) to come eat and play at Sunsplash. I shall extrude from the orifice shortly.

It's a great thing for workers with young families. Waterslides, miniature golf, video games, eats. Lots of good memories taking my young wife and young children to these sorts of things, dating back into the early 90s. Today's a little different: My eldest isn't going and my youngest is taking two friends and I won't see much of them. Us oldsters will slide a few times and then float around on the endless river while I try not to piss and moan about my stupid broken-feeling arm. I'd almost rather stay in and work. I'm behind enough on shit. I only have myself to blame for that, nts.

I am not going just to see Bondgirl in her swimsuit. No, I am not. Bondgirl may be a beautiful and exotic Russian woman with two engineering degrees, a sweet personality, auburn hair, and an athletic physique that combines pronounced calf muscles, fluid feminine hips, a narrow waist and a heavy chest that inexplicably defies gravity, but so what? It may be that last year, I arrived before my wife and kids and found her all by herself, wearing naught but a bikini, resembling one of those exaggerated dreamgirls painted on the glass backs of pinball machines, giving me a friendly smile and lamenting she had no one to hang out with, thus forever cementing in my mind the quandary of every married man that can only be answered with brief small talk and an excuse to get the hell away. She may have one of the most delightful accents ever released into a happy world on contralto tones that are to music as brown sugar is to oatmeal. All of that is irrelevant detail, quickly and easily forgotten. You can so how completely I've forgotten it already. No, indeed. No! I am going to get a cheeseburger. And chips!