Running On Empty

Brandon mentions in passing a minor surgery of the sort I had, gawd, fifteen or sixteen years ago. So that seventh grader isn't mine. And no one wants to hear surgery stories except retirement home folks who politely pay attention because they know it'll soon be their turn. So I'll cut it short. My M.D. at the time was a sports doc about thirty who had the bluff and hearty manly act down to perfection and just bade me strip em off and lie on the table, here, let me swab this shit on you, it'll sterilize and kill any pain (for now, haw haw), say, do you mind if I have a pre-med student watch, you know, kind of a training thing.

I said no, no prob, happy to help.

If you know anything about men you know that they are hardwired to view any girl or woman who is in any vague way attractive as sex meat and though years of pretending to civilization have taught us discretion the hard thrusting reality under the surface is that to appear vulnerable and impotent to a young female of the species causes much inner cringing and chagrin. Therefore it was no surprise at all for the trainee to be an adorable redhead in her early twenties. The TRUTH on the SURFACE is I didn't mind or care but the irony given any natural assumption that I really did was enough to make me laugh. I'm sure they put that down to nervousness.

I did not watch the procedure and I didn't feel a thing until later when the anasthetic wore off and I spent a couple days about as comfortably as if they had attached clothes pins to my nuts. I don't mean the saggy skin-only part either. No regrets, though. Are you kidding?