Pit Bull Breeders

This was supposed to just be a comment here but that beastly and odious commenting system Haloscan wouldn't let me post it because there were too many carriage returns and I couldn't be arsed editing and editing all night until I happened to get under the unknown magic number so I'm putting it here instead. Indeed, now Haloscan won't let me comment at all. Glad *I* don't use it. (I don't feel like filling in the rest of the back story.)

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In related news, the Northern South Carolina Synod of Lutheran Churches prepared a statement to issue but it was long and boring so Art and Larry who work at Auto Barn issued the following press release instead:

"We completely agree with the Vatican that to apologize for hurt feelings over denying the Holocaust is no apology. It is an insulting evasion of the fact that anyone who denies the Holocaust is a hate-filled dumbfuck with halfwit pitbull breeders for parents and a small dick."

"Hey. My parents breed pit bulls. I have a small dick too, but never mind that."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, man. Sorry if I hurt your feelings."

"What the hell kind of apology is that?"

"Well, I mean, I didn't mean to offend."

"But you did. You're just as bad as that other guy."

"Nuh uh."

"Uh huh."

"No, look, dude. Denying the Holocaust is hateful and stupid because it actually happened. Millions of people were killed and to deny it is not only fucked up but a deep and direct insult to all those people's surviving relatives, descendants, friends, fellow human beings, everybody."

"Yeah, so? You made fun of pit bull breeders."

"No, no. It was a humor line. You know, for laughs. I wasn't making fun of pit bull breeders. I was making fun of all those people who think pit bull breeders are hate-filled dumbfucks with a genetic propensity for small dicks."

"But we're not."

"I know!! That's the point! Some people think you are, or used to, or something, right?"

"Right ..."

"And those people really were, or are, dumbfucks, right?"

"Right ..."

"So I'm making fun of them."

"And not making fun of pit bull breeders."

"No!"

"So what did you apologize for?"

"Cuz I didn't mean to offend. I meant to be funny."

"I'm not sure of the difference."

"Dude. The Holocaust happened. It was fucking horrific. To go around denying it isn't just hurting people's feelings. It's goddam violent. It's as close to violence in speech as you can fucking get without actually yelling so loud at someone their heart stops."

"Yeah ..."

"But using the hoary old prejudice that pit bull breeders are dumbfucks with small dicks wasn't saying they are, it was using the fact people used to think so as a device."

"A device."

"For humor."

"For humor. A device for humor."

"You got it."

"How'm I supposed to know the difference?"

"Fuck. I don't know. It's what I intended. If what I meant doesn't mean what you thought I meant, what am I supposed to do, know that ahead of time and shut up? Then what's the point of talking at all? We might as well all just talk about the weather. Cake recipes and dress patterns and purple lizardskin shoes and shit."

"Are you making fun of my small dick again?"

*sigh*