Burning Man Experiences Premature Immolation

BLACK ROCK DESERT, NEV. – The Burning Man, a flammable statue whose torching is the annual highlight of the Burning Man festival, unexpectedly burst into flame about three o’clock this morning.

Witnesses reported a fire started under his left leg and crawled slowly up his body as revelers watched a lunar eclipse.

A friend, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the Man was an avid moon watcher and probably got overly excited during the eclipse.

“The moon was red, there were all these chicks dancing,” he said. “You know how it is.”

The friend then walked away chuckling to himself.

The Man initially refused comment as he awaited rebuilding, but issued an informal statement shortly after sunrise.

“Hey, look,” said the Man. “It happens. Premature immolation is totally normal. No big deal.”

When asked how soon he could burn again, the Man appeared slightly impatient.

“I’m burning in fours days. Okay? Four days is more than enough time. Shoot. I’d be ready tonight if you wanted me to be. This afternoon.”