Reading Local News Because I Am Too Tired And Stupid To Just Go To Bed

Local 103-year-old man lives alone, shops, drives, and still carries his baseball mitt in case anyone wants to play catch. I've always had this sense I will live a long time too (potentially disproven every day) but my attitude -- and attitude is everything -- isn't nearly as good as this guy's.

Boy Scouts help residents, help the environment, and raise money by hauling away dead Christmas trees. Very cool, but my troop's doing that too, and we didn't make the paper. We don't do 2,000 trees every year, either. In fact, we've got less than three hundred scheduled so far. I'm the coordinator this year, and spent all day today going through mailings and voicemail and mapping the tree pick-ups. Top marks to those other guys for managing seven times as many.

Local sex boutique runs up against a gaggle of concerned mothers, none of whom apparently ever got anything but cards and flowers from their husbands on Valentine's Day. They are concerned about what kinds of people the store will attract. So far it's attracted the very worst: Moralist protestors.